Honest Answers

Why did I do that? Why did I say that? Why did I blow off that important task? These are the sort of questions that are best asked when I'm by myself in quiet circumstances, when I can meditate and demand honest answers from myself. I may have to think deeply. I certainly will have to pray for guidance. I must ask for help to see myself as I truly am, without the self-dectption that can fog my thinking.

When I have honest answers to these questions, my new knowledge helps me to cooperate with God as He removes my character defects. I can take decisions based on who I am and my understanding of who God wants me to be.

—Anonymous

Cursing the Darkness

Having lived through more trouble than we thought we deserved, some of us turned our backs on God. We tried to live our lives our way, solving problems through our own power. We were a bit like a someone who walks into a dark room refusing to turn on the light. When he stumbles, he has only himself to blame.

When we are perplexed by the complications of our recovery but stubbornly refuse the help God offers, whose fault is it if things become worse rather than better?

We've tried it on our own. It didn't work. Trying the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is insane, but there is a Power greater than ourselves who can restore us to sanity. His name is Jesus.

—Anonymous

The Right Sponsor

There's a clever one-mnute video making it's way around the Internet called Charles Bronson is My AA Sponsor. As you might imagine, it's an over-the-top example of "tough love," but it demonstrates that having the right sponsor is important.

Neither cheery platitudes nor a tough "Snap out of it!" attitude are likely to help a newcomer in desperate straits. Newcomers should select sponsors who understand their problems, who, because they've been through similar troubles, can help them with patience and tact. A good sponsor does not flaunt his success with the program—he has none. The success belongs to Christ, and a good sponsor lets Him speak through the fruits of a changed life.

—Anonymous

Conscious Contact

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought and action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works—it really does.

We ... are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we just outlined.

—AA's Big Book

Admitted to God

How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven,
Whose sin is covered!
How blessed is the man to whom the LORD does not impute iniquity,
And in whose spirit there is no deceit!
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away
Through my groaning all day long.
For day and night Thy hand was heavy upon me;
My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.

I acknowledged my sin to Thee,
And my iniquity I did not hide;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD”;
And Thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.

—Psalm 32 (NASB)

Both Sides of the Ledger

As I uncover and face my character defects, my good qualities, the talents and gifts that God has given me, are revealed to me. They not only offset my faults, they are the foundation that I have been given for growth.

It is just as self-deceptive to discount my good qualities as it is to try to justify my shortcomings. That is false humility which is just as hampering as arrogance. The purpose of examining our character, and doing it with honesty and detachment, is not to exaggerate our guilt; rather, it is to learn the the good things we have to use to begin to overcome our faults.

—Anonymous

Newcomers

The newcomer to recovery often feels alone in a hostile environment. To be sure, some of the sea of troubles he thinks he's drowning in may be of his own making, but we all have had to begin to learn to live with the world as it is before we could begin to find sobriety and serenity within ourselves.

We shouldn't be too eager to swamp the confused newbie with advice. A warm welcome and words of hope may be all that he can use at first.

Newcomers bring us an opportunity work the Twelfth Step by sharing the healing we have found in Christ. We profit from such giving. As we share our experience, strength, and hope, our own understanding is clarified, and we grow in our own recoveries.

—Anonymous

Sufficient Unto the Day

Who knows whether tomorrow will be good or bad? Recovery is a twenty-four-hour program. It reminds us that we should not burden ourselves with the woes of the past or dwell on the problems of the future. If we remain focused on the only time we have control over—the present—and do the best we can with the things that can be done now, then we may actually have a little time left over for enjoyment and reflection.

Living one day at a time is a Biblical principle. Jesus taught us to pray for our daily bread. He told us that each day has enough trouble of its own (or in the King James Version, "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.").

He has also told us that He cares for us. We do well when we rely on His control of our future and do the work He sets before us as it comes. Surely, this is the best and most logical way to deal with our problems.

—Anonymous

Intemperance

One great piece of mischief that has been done by the modern restriction of the word Temperance to the question of drink. It helps people to forget that you can be just as intemperate about lots of other things. A man who makes his golf or his motor-bicycle the centre of his life, or a woman who devotes all her thoughts to clothes or bridge or her dog, is being just as "intemperate" as someone who gets drunk every evening. Of course, it does not show on the outside so easily: bridge-mania or golf-mania do not make you fall down in the middle of the road. But God is not deceived by externals.

—C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Two Roadblocks

I keep coming up against two roadblocks in my recovery—self-justification and self-righteousness. The first tricks me into believing that I am always right. The second deludes me into thinking that I am better than other people.

The Tenth Step gives me a way around these roadblocks. When I continue to take a personal inventory and examine my motives, I ask myself, "What are my motives? Why am I doing this? Is my justification honest? Am I being rational? Is God being glorified?"

Sometimes, I don't have satisfactory answers for such questions. Then, I must follow the second part of the Step and admit my error.

—Anonymous

God, Grant Me the Serenity

I'm a bit thick-headed. It took me a while to realize that I can use the Twelve Steps and the Serenity Prayer to help with all of my problems and not just recovery issues. If I use these tools every day, my response to life becomes more ordered and calm. I can more clearly see what I can and can't change. I can more easily determine the things that do and don't have my name on them.

I can begin to see things in proper perspective.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.


—Anonymous

Became Willing

Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

The principal thought here is willingness. Willingness to admit our mistakes and be accountable for our guilt. The only action in the Step is making a list.

Who have I injured? Have I taken out my frustrations on them? Have I neglected them? What have I really done?

This Step brings us to the point where we are ready to begin to follow one of Christ's commands—Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

—Anonymous

Humbly Asked ...

Humbly asked Him to remove all our shoutcomings.

The first word is the key to the Seventh Step. When my work through the Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Steps has convinced me that I am ready to be delivered from a hampering character defect, the next Step suggests that I ask God to remove it. I must be ready to let the Holy Spirit work as He wills in order for this to work.

I must let God change me. This does not mean that I remain passive; rather, it means that I must move at His direction in the way He has prepared for me. I must concentrate on following God's lead instead of taking control on my own. This humble approach will color all that I do, making me more acceptable—to myself as well as to others.

—Anonymous

Entirely Ready

The Sixth Step is a challenge to surrender to God's guidance. My goal is to make myself "entirely ready" to let go of the negative habits that have troubled my life. God is already "entirely ready" to accept my humble offering of my faults and to help me change in ways that will bring me healing.

The defects of chararcter that I want to be rid of are sure to have deep roots in me. My daily conscious cooperation will be needed as I accept God's help and let Him remove them from me. If I am willing, I will see His work in me, sometimes gradual, sometimes sudden, as He moves me from bondage to freedom.

—Anonymous

The Fruit of the Spirit

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become boastful, challenging one another, envying one another.

Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. For each one shall bear his own load. And let the one who is taught the word share all good things with him who teaches.

—Galatians 5, 6 (NASB)

"Let Go and Let God"

To "Let Go and Let God" is the way we find peace of mind. My stubbornness and self-will keeps me from the working out of my problems.

When I finally persuade myself to let go of something that has been gnawing at me, solutions begin to unfold in ways that I could never imagine. This should convince me that there are things that are beyond my understanding. There are things that I'll never figure out on my own. I need God's help.

Seeing God work in loving but mysterious ways should teach me that He is in control and that I am not. The better I learn this lesson, the better the course of my recovery.

—Anonymous

Reality Check

Why do some people do better than others in grasping the principles of recovery? Those who do well are those who have the courage to face their difficulties rather than hiding them away in some dark corner.

Most of us think we know what our problems are, but do we really? One way for me to gain insight is to talk things over in detail with my sponsor. Putting my thoughts into word that can be challenged and tested by someone I trust can help me see things more clearly and help lead me to a change of heart. I try not to generate a list of grievances against others, but try to state my honest understanding of my problems. When I do this, I often find that not all of my difficulties are caused by others but that I make many of my own messes.

Listing the good and bad elements of my situation can be a first step toward clear understanding, and my sponsor provides an important reality check on such an inventory. Only complete honesty will lead to true understanding. I pray that God will guard me from self-deception.

—John

Came, Came To

Here's a good summary of the first three Step: "I came. I came to. I came to believe."

I came. When I admitted my powerlessness, I came into the beginning of recovery.

I came to. When I realized that there was a Higher Power who could restore my sanity, I began to awake from my clouded thinking.

I came to believe. When I decided to turn control over to God's and place myself in His care, I began to believe that Jesus really did love me.

—Anonymous

De Profundis

Out of the depths have I called Thee, O LORD.
Lord, hearken unto my voice; let Thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.
If Thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?
For with Thee there is forgiveness ...

—Psalm 130 (JPS)

Not a Slow Learner

"It's not that I'm a slow learner. My problem is that I'm a fast forgeter."

I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I heard that during a meeting, but I was also struck by the comment as a profound explanation of why I need the Eleventh Step. Left to my own devices, I will drift off into the behaviors that nearly destroyed my life. I must remind myself each day, all day, how much I depend on the Holy Spirit and His influence in my life. If I don't surrender to His wisdom, my life spins out of control.

We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Meditation brings me closer to God. Prayer turns my thoughts away from my problems, and He answers my prayers with knowledge and strength.

—Anonymous

Quo Vadis?

What am I looking for in life? I may not reach all of my goals, but I can enjoy working toward them. I can watch myself grow, little by little.

One way to keep myself on track is to do the searching and fearless moral inventory of the Fourth Step and examine my motives. I need to understand why I do what I do and say what I say. This will help me realize the person that I am as compared to the person God wants me to be.

It is much easier to be honest with others than myself; we are all hampered to some extent by blind spots and a need to justify our own actions. Admitting my faults to myself, to God, and to another human being as suggested by the Fifth Step can give me insight not only into who I am but also who I could be.

—Anonymous

Thorns Have Roses

There are times when we're in over our heads, when life seems to be a long, drawn-out crisis. We can't solve it. There seems to be no escape. Such problems will weigh on our minds continually, going round and round in our heads until we become engulfed in despair.

This is a time to pray. It might be the Serenity Prayer. Or perhaps, "Thank You, God, for reminding me that thorns have roses." There is good even in the darkest troubles. Romans 8:28 tells us that "... we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Painful experiences come from the thorns that wound us; they cause us to to forget the roses. Yet, we cannot expect to enjoy life's beauty, fragrance, and color without life's thorny challenges.

—Anonymous

Personal Jesus

AA's wording of Step Three suggests that we turn "our will and our lives over to the care of God as we underst[an]d Him." This expresses a humble point of view, one that recognizes that no one of us is capable of fully understanding God and His will. While all of us in this recovery fellowship recognize Jesus as our Higher Power, no two of us have the same relationship with Him. He reaches out to us as individuals, loving each uniquely.

Chapter 4 of the Big Book closes with these words: "Even so has God restored us all to our right minds. To this man, the revelation was sudden. Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him.

"When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us!"

Reach out and touch faith.

—Anonymous

The Ninth Step and the Lord's Prayer

I had been a member of Al-Anon for about three years when I heard that the congregation was planning a Recovery Ministry. I looked forward to its starting. First, because I knew it would be beneficial for people within and without our membership. Second, because I hoped to be on the receiving end of some Ninth Step work from some of those folks. They owed it to me.

I've since realized that part of my Ninth Step work of making amends requires me to let go of what I feel those people "owe" me. Forgiving the debts owed to me puts me in a better place when I pray to be forgiven as I have forgiven my debtors.

I still look forward to being on the receiving end of some Ninth Step work—but not because it is owed to me. Instead, I look forward to seeing others progress in their recoveries.

—Anonymous

"Keep an Open Mind"

Twelve Step programs are full of helpful slogans. One is "Keep an Open Mind." Now, that doesn't mean that my mind has to be so open that my brain might fall out, but I need to be open to the guidance that the Holy Spirit provides. It will often be found in the words and actions that I find in my recovery group. It is less likely to come from my own reasoning—after all, it was my best thinking that got me in to the mess I'm in. An old-timer puts it this way: "When I'm lost in my own thoughts, I'm trapped behind enemy lines."

I need to remember the Eleventh Step and continue to pray for understanding of God's will for me. When I pray, "Thy will be done ... ," I must really mean what I say.

—John

A Path to God's Healing

The Steps were designed for desperate people like us as a path to God's healing. The Steps are like medicine that many don't bother to take. Rather, they suffer needlessly.

Why? Perhaps, a desire for some sort of martyrdom. Perhaps, a sense of guilt that craves punishment more than cure.

We, however, are seeking the healing the Christ can give us. The discipline of the Twelve Steps can keep us focused on His healing and His love.

—Anonymous

Frustration

I'm not an addict or an alcoholic. I'm a codependent. I have to deal with the maddening frustration of trying to communicate with the people bringing chaos into my life. If they would just listen to reason—but, of course, they won't. And I can't control them. They'll do as they please.

It's foolish to try to communicate with them when they are off in their fog. It's like trying to speak English in a foreign land. Sometimes I can get though, but often not.

So why do I keep trying? Do I expect a different result? But if insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, am I not acting insanely if I continue trying to tell these people how to bring the chaos under control?

The Second Step tells me that there is a Power who can restore my sanity, and the Third Step tells me that He'll do it if I turn my will and my life over to Him. It's time to let go and let God.

—Anonymous

Sharing

The traditional version of the Twelfth Step reads, "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs." That's important. Jesus said in Matthew 5 that lamps are not placed under baskets but put out on stands to spread the light around the room. So it is with my recovery.

It was not dumb luck that has brought me to recovery. It was the saving power of Christ. My reasonable response to His gift is use the tools of recovery not only for myself but to share this blessing with others.

—John