Crutches

When I came into recovery, I thought this prayer and mediation stuff was a crutch for weak people who couldn't stand on their own, and I said so. My sponsor, quite calmly, asked me, "So what's wrong with crutches? Don't we need help when we're hurt?"

Well, I decided to try to keep an open mind. I tried talking to God, and I tried listening for Him. I haven't had the experience of hearing His voice speaking to me in words that I can understand, but I have begun to feel that I am being helped and cared for. I have more confidence in knowing which way to go or what thing to do. I'm not all better, but I hurt less.

Maybe I do need those crutches.

—Anonymous

The Past

How do I live in the present when I have these horrifying memories from my past? Sometimes, I pray for one moment at a time, asking for God's help through the Serenity Prayer. Sometimes, I just cry out to God. Sometimes, I talk it out with my sponsor or a trusted friend. Sometimes, I go to a meeting and just listen.

Facing the past when it surfaces doesn't mean that i have to be stuck with it. I can let God's healing power work through the program of recovery to help me feel my old, buried emotions and put them where they belong. In the past. Coming to terms with my history and letting go of its hurts is not denying it, but putting it away allows me to enjoy the present and look forward to the future with hope.

—Anonymous

Review

When I was working on the Eight Step with my sponsor, she suggested that I organize my thoughts using the column format found in many books on recovery. I put the name of the person I had harmed in the first column, our relationship in the second, my harmful actions in the third, the reason I should make amends in the fourth, and the status of my willingness in the last column.

A pattern emerged.

The same character defects were turning up over and over again in the third column. I had become aware of these defects in Step Four, but their truly destructive impact did not really sink in until I began to think of making amends. I had to pause and reconsider Steps Four through Seven. Was I really ready for Step Eight? Or had I just learned why it is said that recovery is a continuing process—one from which we will never be graduated, but one which can continue to lead us to progress.

—Anonymous

Changed Attitudes Can Aid Recovery

Before I got into recovery, I didn't have much use for God. In fact, I despised and feared Him, and I hated organized religion. I was convinced that I was bad, and I was angry with God for making me so wrong, so twisted, and so fearful.

Then I came to recovery. I began to work the program. I attended meetings and began to share my story and my feelings. I got a sponsor. I worked the Steps. I began to do Twelfth Step work. I took risks. In the midst of this, I found that God wasn't who I thought He was. I found that He was One who I could cry out to, One who would hear me, and One who would care for me. I found that He loved me. I also found that my attitude about God had changed as I began to know Him better. I moved from fear and hatred to gratitude and love.

That changed attitude is the foundation of my recovery.

—Anonymous

Boring!

When I got into recovery and started hearing about serenity, my first thought was, "Boring!" I'd been living a roller-coaster life of emotional highs and lows. It was insane, but it was also exciting. One of the things to which I was addicted was chaos. As weird as it seems now, what little comfort I had was derived from the familiarity of my insanity and my pain.

But I got with the program any way. I went to meetings, worked the Steps, prayed, and meditated—and, slowly at first, I began to experience moments of serenity in my life. I decided that I liked that pleasant but, for me, unusual feeling.

Serenity became a goal, one that I sought one day at a time. That process has been anything but boring. The spiritual growth I've experienced has been much more satisfying than the old roller coaster ride. I thank God every day for the priceless gift of serenity.

—Anonymous

Acknowledging Reality

Life in the real world is not always the same as the life we imagine. We tend to look at only the parts we like. We really need to look at all that the real world presents to us if we are going to make realistic choices.

My life becomes unmanageable when I pretend that some part of the truth really isn't there. This is why sharing with others in recovery is vital for me. Sharing what is happening to me forces me to cut through my denial and focus my thinking in the real world as it is. I don't always want to face the facts; they can be painful. But when I deal with them truthfully, denial's power to cloud my thinking is destroyed.

I can't cope with something unless I deal with it as it truly is. When I acknowledge reality, when I look at a problem squarely in the face, then I can begin to take steps along the path God as set out for me.

—Anonymous

Compared to What?

When someone disagreed with me, I used to take it as a personal failure. If I only had the right words. Other people seemed to be happier than I was. More self-confident. They seemed to have all the answers. So I faked it, and many people thought that I was happy and easygoing.

If they were so wrong about how I felt, could it be possible that I was mistaken about them? Were they happy? Were they putting on the same sort of act that I was? Was I comparing my insides to their outsides?

If I compare myself with someone else, I will lose. He'll be richer. She'll be more popular. I'm only responsible for myself. I should be taking inventory of my progress, comparing myself to what I once was and to what I understand God wants me to be.

—Anonymous

A Firm Foundation

At first, doing a searching and fearless personal inventory looked like another excuse to be hard on myself. It was important for me to concentrate on the first three Steps in order to build a firm spiritual foundation for my recovery.

In these initial Steps we begin by admitting that we are powerless over certain things—alcohol or relationships or whatever—and learn that God has no such limitations. We decide to place our life and our will in His hands. We begin to let go of the burdens that have been weighing us down. Only after we have worked these Steps are we ready to move on. We can go forward with God's guidance.

The first three Steps are the cornerstone of recovery. No matter how long we are in recovery, no matter how much progress we make, we ultimately stand on that foundation.

—Anonymous

A Lesson from Nature

One of the basic principles of recovery, one repeated in the name of this web page, is One Day at a Time. Nature surrounds us with some excellent role models.

Trees don't stand around worrying about forest fires. The water in a lake doesn't fret about the turbulence that stirred it a few miles upstream. Butterflies don't seem to pry into each other's affairs. Most of creation seems to spend its time going about its own business. Maybe, if I paid attention, I could learn to do the same.

There's a great deal to be learned from painful circumstances, but there's even more to be found in the gentle wisdom that God shows in His creation.

—Anonymous

Take My Life

Take my life and let it be
Consecrated, Lord, to Thee;
Take my moments and my days,
Let them flow in ceaseless praise.

Take my will and make it Thine,
It shall be no longer mine;
Take my heart, it is Thine own,
It shall be Thy royal throne.

—Frances Havergal

Freedom

It's Independence Day in the United States, the day we celebrate our freedom as a nation. Today, I can also celebrate the spiritual freedom I have because I am in recovery. Recovery has encouraged me to find a personal understanding of God and His love for me. Because I now think of God in terms that I can begin to understand, I am now able to turn my life over to His care.

My understanding of God grows and evolves. Because my finite understanding of an infinite God must always be incomplete, it is never the same as anyone else's. But that's OK. God loves us both.

I now have a sense of a unique purpose in life, one that God has planned just for me. I am the only one who can live it, and I cannot properly live anyone else's. Grounded in faith, I can hold tight to the course God has set before me and face my future with confidence.

—Anonymous

At the End of the Day

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? Do we owe an apology? Have we kept something to ourselves that should be discussed with another person at once? Were we kind and loving toward all? What could we have done better? Were we thinking of ourselves most of the the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life? But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others. After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

—AA's Big Book

Properly Applied Faith

How many of us, before we began the process of recovery, were like the fellow discussed in this passage from AA's Big Book?

Your prospect may belong to a religious denomination. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case he is going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he will be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well. He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self-sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action. Let him see that you are not there to instruct him in religion. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you do, but call his attention to the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink. Perhaps your story will help him see that he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well.

—Anonymous

Passing It On

It is the most wonderful blessing to be relieved of the terrible curse with which I was afflicted. My health is good and I have regained my self-respect and the respect of my colleagues. My home life is ideal and my business is as good as can be expected in these uncertain times.

I spend a great deal of time passing on what I have learned to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons:

1. Sense of duty.
2. It is a pleasure.
3. Because in doing so I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me.
4. Because every time I do it I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip.

—Dr. Bob